Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Camping and Pumpkins

This past weekend we went camping with friends to Eisenhower State Park just an hour north of us. It was nice to be someplace so close! And so pretty! It actually had a beach on the lake!

And on Monday we went with two other friends (Allie & Shepherd and Katy & Maddie) to a pumpkin patch in Richardson! I was delighted to find a pumpkin patch so close! (Most are faaaar, which means little ones sleep on the way home and mom misses nap time. Not cool.) On top of being close, it's a pretty good price - for $6, we were able to go into the pumpkin patch, choose a small pumpkin, feed the goats, and go on a little hay ride. Plus there's also animals to see, a fun maze, jungle gym, and pumpkin field to run through. The kids thought this was very fun! Moms too!

As for our little family, we are hanging in there. I met with a friend this morning who went through a miscarriage last year and she directed me to a few Psalms. So this afternoon during nap time, I spent some time reading Psalms. There is really so much good stuff in there for an aching heart! A couple of things I pulled out...

This reminder in Psalm 31:19 -
How great is Your goodness,
Which You have stored up for those who fear You,
Which You have wrought for those who take refuge in You,
Before the sons of men!

And Psalm 30:11-12, which I pray for our family -
You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness,
That my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.

Over all we are adjusting to a new normal, and clearly not holding back from the fun things! Camping with friends (and our little family unit, Sammy included) was so good for our hearts. There are good days and bad days, but I am trying to hold my thoughts captive and pour out thankfulness. We certainly have a lot to be thankful for!

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Glory Baby

Just a little update. Physically, I am feeling better. Still, a bit bleh, but that's 20x better than Monday afternoon. Emotionally though, I have been all over the map. Yesterday I felt fine, but then today was a cry fest. And having walked the road of grief before, I am sure there will be many days like that. It seems to come in waves.

But through all of this I have felt God's love so much. Thanks, sweet friends, for being His hands and feet - for bringing us meals, grabbing me a chai tea latte from Starbucks, picking up Lil for a play date, serving for me in nursery, sending sweet emails and texts, the list goes on... I'm so so thankful for each of you.

A friend sent me this song called "Glory Baby" by Watermark. The song is so simple and so beautiful. I can't wait to see and hold my sweet little baby one day in heaven.

On another note, our Lil baby has been sick this afternoon with a fever bug - just feeling crummy and hot. I rocked her to sleep tonight. I am pretty sure she has never let me to rock her to sleep in her life. But given the events of this week, I'll take it! I think Momma needed that rocking as much as Lil.

Sleep tight friends. Thank the Lord for the blessings He has given you.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Missing Tummy Baby

Today our sweet little Tummy Baby would have been 8 weeks old. We took this photo last week.

We hadn't post this on Facebook or the blog, yet though we had told most of our friends and family.

Today we lost Tummy Baby. It started with some bleeding, but since it was light, my midwife was hopeful and asked me to come in for a sonogram. Sadly, all that was on the screen was an empty sack, which measured 4 weeks, not 8. Since the likelihood of our dates being 4 weeks off was minimal, we assumed miscarriage. I went ahead and had blood work done, just in case. But the bleeding picked up shortly after that appointment.

Our sweet friends were watching Lil for us this morning while we went to the appointment and afterwards while Brendon and I went and sat at Starbucks to process everything that had just happened.

Like I said, we weren't really secretive about this, other than blog and Facebook worlds. I know some people think this scenario would be a nightmare, having told all of your friends and then having to untell them. But truthfully, I'm so thankful that so many people were able to experience joy with us and now are able to come along side us as we grieve. And I know that one day, because of our candidness, we will have the opportunity to comfort others in their grief. That said, the outpouring of love we've received has been really sweet. And we are so grateful.

Now that I have walked ( walking...) the road of miscarriage, I can see the fallacy in my old thinking on the topic. I think to some extent I thought that miscarriage, while sad, was just one of those things that sometimes happened on the road of childbearing. You have a miscarriage, grieve, and then eventually have more kids, if the Lord blesses you in that way. But what I realized today is that I'm not just waiting for our second child to come along, trusting in His timing. While I believe He will give us more children and I do trust in His blessings, waiting for baby #2 isn't my chief concern. My chief concern is for the child we lost today. I am confident that we will have another baby one day, but today I am grieving THIS baby.

At bed time each night, we sing "Morning Town" with Lil. In the second verse we typically change up the people in the song and put in our family's names.
Lilleigh drives the engine. Daddy rings the bell. Mommy and Tummy Baby shine the lantern to show that all is well.
But here's the thing. There's no more Tummy Baby. Tonight we swapped our Tummy Baby's name for Sammy. Lil immediately caught that, and started asking for Tummy Baby and pointing to see my tummy. Sweet girl. Daddy explained to her that Tummy Baby is no longer in Mommy's tummy but now with Jesus. Kinda abstract for a 20 month old, but we tried the best we could.

Another thing - I've been shocked at just how much a miscarriage takes the toll on the body. Today I turned down the first couple of people that offered meals, but by the end of it, I was welcoming them! A pounding headache sent me to bed when Lil took her nap. Not that I slept. Pounding headache.

I'm not complaining. Just being real. This miscarriage stuff is hard - emotionally and physically. I'm exhausted. We are hanging in there. Life with God is still good - He's sovereign, even over miscarriages. We would love your prayers during this rough season. Prayers for peace and comfort, for physical healing for Momma, and for sweet family time. We are so thankful the Lord has already blessed us with Lilleigh! What a sweet reminder she is of the Lord's goodness. She has certainly helped lessen the pain.
Behold, children are a gift of the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one’s youth.
How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them;
They will not be ashamed
When they speak with their enemies in the gate.
If you have kids, thank God for them tonight. What a blessing they are.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Lilleigh at 20 months!

Sweet girl is becoming a big girl before my eyes! Here's Lil this month --
  • She wants to drink from a big girl cup (no straw or spout or even lid). We compromised on a mini travel coffee cup from Starbucks. It has a lid but allows her to tilt it the way Mom and Dad do. 
  • She is sleeping in her big girl bed and napping like a champ! 
  • She has started to say her name and use it in mini sentences. "Lilleigh milk." You have to hand it to her - the girl has a hard name for a child to say! So many L's!
  • She has started calling herself a "big girl" - so sweet! 
  • Katy and I have been doing our own mom-version of MDO. We trade off taking the girls on Tuesday mornings and take turns planning and teaching them a little lesson too. We've been working on letters. We've done A-D. It's so fun to see the girls pick up on the things we teach them! I introduced them to the letter B and wrote it on a big piece of butcher paper with a crayon. Lil took one look at it and kept saying "bbba." Precious! And my favorite is that Lil knows C is for Cousin and Connor. And when I ask who her cousin is, she says Connor!
  • We have also been working on our colors and shapes and naming them as we see them. Lil first discovered the color pink and the shape star! In the last week, we have really picked up the pace with colors. She now pretty consistently knows pink, blue, green, and sometimes red. 
  • She now asks for music when we are in the car.
  • Bugs in too close proximity have nearly brought her to tears.
  • Two weeks ago, I was getting Lil's dinner ready in the kitchen when I suddenly sneezed. I heard a little voice say "bless you." I kid you not. So cute! And now she says "bless you" in response to anyone's sneeze! It's so fun to see the little things the pick up on.
  • Lil has been going to the bathroom on the potty more often. She has maybe half the signs of being "ready" (according to Baby Whisperer) to potty train. Def not all of them. But apparently before the 50's, pretty much everyone was potty trained by 12-18 months. So I think we are going to try soon! It might sound crazy, but keep in mind that we cloth diaper! ;) I don't expect this to be a walk in the park, but I'm hopeful! We'll see. 
Going to the potty is much more motivating when you have a friend.

Eating peanut butter and apples.

Homeschool with Maddie - The letter B and play dough

We found this old school Fisher-Price barn and silo at a garage sale! Collectors item and fun toy!

Another great garage sale find! Thanks, Mimi!

Lil went to a friend's birthday party at a gymnastics place. Soo fun! Lots of mats, ball pits, trampolines, and such to crawl, jump, and run around on.

And lounging on Sammy. Besties. Melt my heart.

Happy 20 months, Lil babe!