Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Everyone likes a good surprise.

Unless you are part of the small percentage of people who truly enjoy a good surprise, this may come as a shock to you.

We aren't finding out.

That's right... we aren't finding out whether the baby is a boy or a girl until birth. Call us old-fashioned. We just thought that would be fun! And we aren't telling name choices either... That may have some of you way too worked up.

The boy/girl thing is more because we want to be surprised. I would be frugal in the nursery anyway and do a gender-neutral theme that can be reused for future children, so as far as the nursery goes, it's better I don't know whether the baby is a boy or girl. Makes me be more creative!

The name thing is basically because we don't want a bunch of opinions. Our families have a lot of opinions! And they are normally good! But we just wanted to make our decision on this without outside influence. Plus what if we decided to name a girl Kate but she looks more like a Heather? (Those are not our names... just saying!) We are giving ourselves options.

Why am I doing a whole blog post on this? Silly I know. But every time we tell people our decision to keep things a surprise, 90% of the time the women will say, "I'm too type A not to find out." Ha. Apparently they forgot they were talking to me. My friends joked and called me "Monica" in high school - yes, from Friends. So it's definitely not about being type A or B. It's really just personal preference. For us, we figure, either way the baby is a gift, so we will be thrilled no matter what we have!

That said, I have learned that there is no right or wrong in pregnancy, so I am all for people finding out the gender and telling the name. Some people tell other they are pregnant at 4 weeks. Others wait until 13 or 14. Some find out what they are having. Others let it be a surprise. Some tell them name. Others keep it a secret. Everyone has their own thoughts on the subject, and I love that!

What about you? Will you or did you find out?

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

My Growing Tummy... Not Yet a Bump

8 weeks... I tried this as a "before" pic. But I was already getting a little chub.

My sister-in-law at 21 or 22 weeks and me at 9 weeks

10 weeks. The baby was the size of a lime.

I posted these because I've been asked for pictures, but as you can tell, there's no real bump yet. It's the uncute pre-bump weight gain.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Grieving Takes Time

Have you heard this song? I listened to it daily after my brother died. Somehow it brought me comfort. "The hands that hold the world are holding my heart." It's a good reminder. I needed it at the time. And I guess I still need it almost four months later.

I began listening to it each morning when we were in Houston as I was getting ready to go with my dad for an early morning Starbucks. Those were sweet mornings with him. I don't know if any of you have ever lost someone close to you, but in the midst of so much pain, nothing else matters. Your whole world just stops. And it's the little things, like trips with a loved one to Starbucks, that really matter. My emotions were so raw then, but I wish I could have that sense of urgency back, that sense that all that matters is what is in front of me. I was just months away from graduating, finals and papers due in less than a month, and naturally I had not started. I don't know how to explain it, except that it just didn't matter. I could have been told I would have to wait a year to graduate. (Well, I actually was... after the fact.) But at the moment, when I was in Houston that week with my family, it just didn't matter. I just wanted to be with those I love.

I have found that when I think about my brother or start to get sad, I'll try to stay busy. Or if it's nighttime, I'll just go get in bed and go to sleep, trying to escape the pain of my loss. But no matter how much I do that, I still have this huge void inside me. It's like how people say "There's a Jesus-sized hole in so-and-so's heart." I have an Austen-sized hole in my heart. (That's a big hole... after all he was a big guy.) But I can't fill it. Nothing can. I don't know how to make it go away.

Since we were so close in age and have such a large age gap between our other siblings, we were pretty much raised one way and them, another, as typically happens when siblings are more than five years apart. Consequently though, there are a lot of things Austen would "get" that no one else would. There are ways we related that just can't exist with others. That's part of that void. There are times when all I want is so desperately to talk to someone that "gets" it. I miss that.

A couple of nights ago I had a break down. It had been building up. I found myself in tears over the memory of my brother. I was remembering how we shared a room, and even a bed briefly, when our parents first got married. I was five, and he was almost four. There was another bedroom, but at the time, my uncle was living with us. It didn't matter to us though. We loved being together and having a sibling. Austen would be so excited to play in the mornings that he'd lean over me and pull open my eyelids "to see if I was awake." Then when my Uncle Paul moved out, Austen moved into his room and got a bunk bed. So naturally I migrated to his room too, and I, of course, insisted I should be the one to sleep on the top bunk. A few years later, we moved. And many nights, especially after watching Are You Afraid of the Dark?, Austen would wind up sleeping on my floor. And I was okay with that... until I got to high school anyway. So for almost 10 years of our lives we slept in the same room, even when we had our own. And I expect myself to just be over that?

My counselor said it takes divorced couples the amount of time they were together times two to get over their lost spouse. And that's in a divorce. Austen and I were siblings and buddies for twenty plus years. Why do I expect myself to get over that so quickly?

My Great New and FREE Outdoor Decor

Friday I woke up at 5:30 AM... yes, in the summer... awful. I woke up to go browse the garage sales with a friend. She and her in-laws are hard core! It sounds insane to get up that early to garage sale, but I'm always so inspired by her 3500 sq ft house, which is ENTIRELY and tastefully decorated in garage sale items! It's amazing... I can't do it justice. Any who, I was inspired, and I so off I went to garage sale with she and her in-laws... in 100+ degree heat... until 11 AM! Seriously?! My pregnant body was exhausted!! I did have a couple of unnoteworthy finds. But again, unnoteworthy.

What is noteworthy is this tiny bench my garage sale friend had stored away from a garage sale. She didn't have room for it, so she passed it along to me! And now it's sitting on my front porch! Perfect fit, don't ya think?

Then last night we were walking to a neighbor's house, when we saw this bench that another neighbor had put out for heavy trash pick up. We'll take it. Thank you!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Steve Jobs' Decision

Photo from Wired.com

I would just like to say thank you, Steve Jobs, for banning pornography apps on the iPhone and iPad. More access to this media one thing our country doesn't need.

I facilitate a support group for wives of men with sexual addiction. It's heart breaking to sit with those women as they mourn the destruction of the marriages, weep the loss of their dreams, and vent the deception they believed. The ignorance our country shows in the face of sexual addiction is a knife to the heart. It's about time someone stood up for what's right.

The media says you are now the "unlikely hero to the Christian right." This may be true - and I don't even mind that you're a Democrat. But I don't speak just as a Christian. I speak as an American. Pornography is killing our society. Sexual addiction breaks the heart of our women. It brings about rage in our children. And it destroys our men. Ask any recovering sex addict - coming clean brings a wave of terror and a flood of relief. It's truly an addiction.

Mr. Jobs, I realize you are getting A LOT of slack (to be gentle in terminology) about this decision and that it will likely cost Apple money. But I appreciate your decision. And for what it's worth, I will stay a loyal Apple consumer. Thanks for having integrity.

Sources: Want Porn? Buy an Android Phone, Steve Jobs Says; Steve Jobs Bans iPhone and iPad Porn, Becomes Christian Right Hero

Saturday, July 10, 2010


I have a confession to make. This is our wedding cake from three years ago.

I saved it. Still.

Here's my reasoning... My friend Amanda's parents STILL have their saved. (After at least 28 years... just a rough estimate.) And every year they all - kids too! - have a bite of it on her parents' anniversary. I thought that was so sweet and cute. I want to do that too! And as long as it's frozen, it will last!

Hubby thinks the idea is gross. (But don't be fooled - it still tastes yummy.) I think it's cute and sweet. I now open this up to you... risky, I know. What are your thoughts?

Friday, July 9, 2010

Pregnancy So Far

Today I am 10 weeks!! Here's a picture of the sweet little gummy bear growing inside me.

Totally looks like a gummy bear - doesn't it?

Here's what I've experience thus far...

Exhaustion! Oh my word. I'm so tired. I must nap each day. My dog knows our daily nap schedule now. I tell her it's nap time, and she scurries to the bedroom. So naps are a must! And even with a nap, I head to bed between 8 and 9.

Nausea started up right at 6 weeks... but not the vomiting kind, which I'm thankful for. Around dinner time I start to get nauseous, so my dinner time has become 4:30 or 5... yes, I now eat with the old people. And if I am still hungry, I'll grab a smoothie. After about 6 or 7, the texture of food disgusts me, so a smoothie (with protein powder) seems to do the trick to satisfy my hunger and pump some nutrients in me! Again though, I have not been vomiting, and there's a lot to be said for that. I have had friends with TERRIBLE "morning" sickness, and fortunately I have not experienced this. When I experience the nausea, I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep it off, but I know this is nothing compared to what some women go through. Another issue though... I now have a super sensitive gag reflex. Not okay.

Appetite. I have been snacking a lot. I need to more. I notice when I eat a lot throughout the day, I can avoid the nausea, but it's incredibly hard for me to do this. Any of you women out there who have kids please tell me if you can relate. I can't eat large portions. My stomach gets full much more quickly. Maybe that's part of being small and suddenly having much less room in my stomach? But then what I do in my third trimester?? Plus, now I eat extremely slow. I can't eat at the speed of a normal person any longer. For example, we went to lunch with family over the weekend. I had a salad. I think I had 5 bites... barely looked nibbled on, and the waiter had started clearing everyone's plates! Seriously? I have never been a slow eater, so this is just driving me crazy! Maybe it has something to do with food texture or the gag reflex? On another note, food aversions... steak. No thank you. I haven't really been too fond of red or green peppers and some other veggies either.

Weight gain also began around 6 weeks. Not a ton. I think it was a pound. But since I gain weight in my tummy, a pound on your tummy is definitely noticeable! I'm not "showing," but friends, who have known about my pregnancy, have commented. It's easily hidden though. When you're short and thin, the baby has no where to go initially but out!

My brain died. Seriously. My friend's husband even commented on it the other night. My friend (who's pregnant also) asked me about another friend coming into town, and I looked at her like I had no idea what she was talking about. And the thing is, I really didn't have a clue what she was talking about! And the worst part is that this out of town friend had sent us all an email saying she was coming into town and wanted to hang out. I think I had ever discussed it with the friend bringing it up. So bad. Not only that, but I think of things daily I need to do but forget them before I can get out a pen to write it on my to do list. It's a huge problem. I can't even remember if I've taken my prenatal vitamins in the morning... so I started putting them in one of those days of the week containers. I'm pretty sure some days I was taking two. This container is a life saver! Any of you who know me, know I was pretty put together before... now I am just trying to get through each day without forgetting something essential! I think the brain thing might be like nausea. Some people experience it. Others don't. And some get it to the extreme. I think I might be that extreme case.

Bathroom... of course I get up at least twice in the middle of the night to go!

I'm sure there's more. But that's all for now. Just thought you deserved a little update!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Five Fingers

I kinda want some of these. I know, I know. They look completely weird. But I'm sure you've seen guys wearing them. So hubby read all about them and decided he needed some! (The mail version and in black, of course. See his here.) So before our anniversary dinner last night, we went to Tyler's! I was intrigued, so I tried some on too. And now I can't stop thinking about them... Completely weird looking. But incredibly comfortable. I think maybe they'd strengthen my foot, where I have an injury.

They could be the new fashion trend. What do you think?

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Two Posts in a Day = Breaking News

Two posts in a day? That means big news!

It's true! We found out the Friday of Memorial Day weekend, when we were going to Houston, and we could hardly wait to tell our families. So we hurried and took this picture! I ran to Hobby Lobby and bought five cute mini frames for our five parents. Then I ordered the pictures online at Walgreens.com and had them printed in Houston. Then when we drove to Houston, I ran in to pick them up, and then framed them to give to our parents that weekend! Speedy, huh? Okay enough about the picture...

Baby Lankford is due February 4th, which means I am almost 10 weeks along! I'll give a pregnancy update later, but just wanted to fill you all in. Year 4 of marriage definitely has a lot in store for us

Happy Three Years!

Today hubby and I are celebrating three years of marriage!

I don't even know what to say, except that I am so thankful to have my best friend as my husband. I can't imagine facing some of the trials and sorrows that have come our way without him. And the joys wouldn't be the same either. Thanks, B, for always being there. I love you!

Happy three year anniversary!